If there is one thing that I have learnt over the last couple of months is that you can not run away from your past. Some sins are better left uncommitted because what is done cannot be undone. Not all memories are bad though and there are poems that I have written that take me back to the moment they were written. They remind me of that young boy who had only just begun to explore what would be a rollercoaster of feelings and actions he had never thought would happen to him. They draw me in back into the decision of a young man who could pretend that the cuts on his body didn’t exist because there was no blood to prove it.
Sometimes I miss that boy and his cute unawareness to how life really worked. I sometimes wonder for him what it would have been like had he known what I knew now, would he still have continued with his choices or would he have chosen differently. Would I even be here writing this if he had chosen differently or would I be going through a process of regretting not having explored the path the led me to right here? I guess I will never know because well that young man has no answers just as I do not have the answers.
On my last post, I was saying goodbye to a friend. Towards the end, things between us were just unbearable. So much so that it all overrode the good times, especially the beginning. Oh, what a wonderful time the beginning was, she was this anomaly that I couldn’t beautifully understand and it was such a beautiful experience getting to know her. She is part of the reason that I started writing poetry more often, her constant encouragement and support gave me the confidence to be able to share it with others as well.
The first night we met, I exchanged with her a poetry series only she has seen, even now, that’s how personal it was to me but with her, I felt free, there was never a need to hide from her and that is what made me really appreciate her the most. On that night she wrote to me a poem titled “He came forth” and together we collaborated on “She came forth”. As a poet that had to be one of the greatest nights of my life, that exchange at that time meant so much to me and now I share it with you. I hope you enjoy this trip that shows the beauty that was our friendship, not the ugliness that it ended with.
He Came Forth
From the deep void he came forth, filling spaces between my fingers that I never knew were there.
As the world twists and turns and is pulled by the current, he shall be my anchor and I shall be his.
We are not as sad as yesterday, but not as happy as tomorrow. We experience the joy to replace the pain of old, the peace to ease the tempest of the heart, and the comfort in the sorrow.
The light at the end of the tunnel was threatening to blind us, and we were choking in euphoria.
From the deep void he came forth, rising like the phoenix, sweeping my pain away.
She Came Forth
Out of pain she came forth. At a time when hoping had become dangerous and dreams had died. The pain I felt was nothing compared to the light she brought.
Out of death, life came forth. had I known that there was such a thing, such a feeling I would not have struggled to be but rather struggled to become.
The fight against myself, against others now has an ally or better yet, a friend. The misery that was is now the joy that is. My biggest worry is that I wont be able to appreciate enough the gift I have been given.
If it had been meant to be, if it had meant to be then finally it has happened. finally I look at the mirrior and not see a mistake or a problem but rather I see what two people can accomplish when they both have the desire to change what they have been.
The journey is long, it has been painful but to say there is light is an understatement. Around fountains we walked but probably we just missed each other, two lonely souls sesrching for a voice, a chance to be heard outside their own thoughts. But to what end was this walk, to what end were their cries, I tell you now that to peace, to joy, to be able to finally say I am no longer lonely, actually I am less lonely than
I have ever felt.
There is strength in numbers we have heard but never felt. We are where we are because of prayers made, the ones we thought went unanswered when the truth is that had this moment come any sooner, I dont think neither would have appreciated it as much as they do now.
Out of pain she came forth and completly turned my world upside down.
There was no greater joy then, than having to meet someone who took the loneliness away. For that, I am eternally grateful to her.